The Importance Of Listening
Lessons From James Borg
I am currently reading a book called ‘Body Language: How to know what’s REALLY being said’ by James Borg.
Barack Obama was once asked what book he would into office with him if he could only choose one and his reply was “Abraham Lincoln’s or maybe James Borg’s”
There is one section in particular that really caught my interest and it was the chapter on the importance of listening.
The majority of us love to hear ourselves talk and if you can master how to listen, you will see many great returns.
In this edition of the Progressus Newsletter, we will go through 3 do’s and don’ts when it comes to listening.
Listening 101
During any conversation, you are either the speaker or you are the listener.
I think you would agree that most people worry more about what they are saying as a speaker, rather than their effectiveness as a listener.
This is understandable. We don’t want to say anything daft or that we don’t mean.
However, if you learn to truly listen to people who are speaking to you, you’ll find that people put far more trust in you, you’ll build better relationships and you’ll create a strong rapport between you and the speaker.
Practising speaking and not practising listening is kind of like training upper body and never hitting legs.
Don’t skip leg days.
Listening Tip 1
‘Try to suspend your own thoughts and don’t think about formulating your reply.’
This is something I have found very hard to do in the past, especially when we are doing the podcast.
By waiting to ask a question, you switch off and internalise far less of what the speaker is saying because you are too occupied with your thoughts and your reply.
If the speaker senses this, they will think you aren’t listening to them and that’s not the impression you want to give.
When someone says something that you want to ask about, just hang fire a moment and let them get to the end of their speech.
Simply, let the speaker carry on until they have said their piece because you will then have all the information to give a good reply and move the conversation forward.
This can be hard to do, but the book tells me this is a ‘top tip’ so try it!
Listening Tip 2
Eye contact and head movement.
Your entire body language is important when you are listening but from the neck up.
If you are speaking to somebody and their eyes are looking here, there and everywhere, you are going to assume they are uninterested and probably slightly rude too.
That’s not the energy we want to give off.
You should also practise using different types of nods to non-verbally communicate with the speaker. Try using the following:
the encouraging nod (‘Yes, how fascinating)
the acknowledgement nod (‘Yes, I’m still listening’)
the understanding nod (‘Yes, I see what you mean’)
the factual nod (‘Yes, that is correct’)
the agreement nod (‘Yes, I will’)
Try these methods of active listening and you’ll notice a change in the quality of your conversations!
Listening Tip 3
Listen.
The final listening tip is to ACTUALLY listen to the person who is speaking to you.
Our minds are constantly filled with thoughts of the past or the future and very rarely do we take time to live in the present moment.
When someone is speaking to you, the least you can do is really pay attention to what they are saying.
Don’t think about tomorrow, don’t think about what happened earlier, don’t think about what you're having for tea.
Focus on that conversation, right there and then.
Conclusion
The quality of your relationships are massively determined by your ability to listen to others, so don’t neglect it as an important life skill.
James Borg’s book is a very interesting read and has made me aware of a lot of the bad habits I have built up concerning my body language.
If you are interested in picking up a copy, you can do so here.
Thank you for reading and if you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe!
Progressus Network
P.S. - Episode 3 is going live on Sunday! :)